Kieran Kelly


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You know why you are here. I can help.

Addiction is best defined as:

Craving an addictive substance or behavior to experience temporary pleasure or relief from pain, and being unable to give it up.

Addiction is a way to escape reality.

Addiction is a response to trauma.

However, we who have experienced addiction in it’s awful reality know that it is much more than this.
I have spent a lifetime in addiction, and in trying to understand it, I would define it as follows:

Addiction is hell on earth. It takes your pride, self respect, and leaves you with nothing. It takes your voice. It is the craving that you can never satisfy.
Addiction causes you to hurt everybody around you and destroy their lives. It will make you hurt and damage your spouse/partner and children, if you have them. It will cause you to destroy your family. Then it takes all your friends, your money, your dignity, your voice, your health, and that’s only the beginning.

Paddy Rafter

Paddy Rafter

If you need help with with Anxiety, Depression, Addiciton or are experiencing Coercive Control, Join my Facebook Community where I share my Music, Tips, Tools and Experiences.

Eventually you will hurt everybody around you so much that they will have nothing to do with you, and still you will continue. You may end up in hospital or in jail or in a mental institution and all you will think about is your addiction, and if it’s a substance how you can get it as quickly as possible.

You will think that you are right and everybody else is wrong. You will build an empire of hurt, and ultimately every road in addiction leads to devastation.
Having destroyed the life of your wife, husband, children, mother, father, brother, sisters and friends, you will still continue on your own. You cannot stop.The only way out is death.

Your mind is not your own and here I will separate addiction into two different parts;

If your addiction is primarily behavioral, then you will end up destroyed, cast out, unwanted, untouchable with your name destroyed, your character destroyed and you will be less than the least of all things.

If your addiction is a substance or substances then you will be all of the above, but more. You will crave the substance more and it will do less and less for you so you need more to get less and less relief and it’s diminishing returns from here on.

You will lie. You will steal. You will cheat until you will not know who you are. You will despise the self you already hate. Then it will take your mind and your soul and if you are lucky you will go mad.
Addiction affects your mind, your body, your health and your soul because it is a soul sickness. Your self hate will know no bounds.
You have become that which you most despise… your addicted self.

You don’t have to live like this.

Why do you do this?

The reasons are manifold and complex. People will give you simplistic reasons but there are none. You do this because you are completely unaware of both yourself and the world you live in. You are not in reality.


You do this as a response to the pain that you experience everyday. This pain may stem from childhood or adolescence. It may come from your experiences as a child and what you saw or experienced or you perceived in the world. It may come from what you experienced as an adolescent. It also may come from what you experience as an adult. There are no simple reasons.
Fundamentally addiction in its full-blown sense is an inability to cope with the world and the pain you experience.

Active addiction

It is fundamentally a way to cope . It is fundamentally a way to survive.
It is fundamentally a way to escape reality.
It is fundamentally a way to escape pain.
It Is ultimately a way to escape you.

Along your journey, as addiction progresses and it becomes exponentially worse, affecting your life or work or family, you will have many different experiences of trying to stop your descent into darkness and madness. Your friends, your workplace and your family especially will try to help you because your family will be the last to let you go.
You will have numerous escapades with the law, and law enforcement in some cases.

You will be encouraged and in some cases forced to go into treatment centres. Most of these treatment centres will try to help you but because they fundamentally do not understand the power of addiction and it’s real causes, more often than not they will do more harm than good. (as was my own personal experience). Following the Minnesota model, as most do, they will deconstruct you mercilessly in the mistaken belief that you are unaware of how bad it is, both for you and those close to you.The sad consequences of this ‘treatment’ is that the remains of any self-respect will be destroyed. They often send you back out into the world without anything except a heightened sense of self-hate.

Others will use religious and secular cures..all very well meaning of course. The mental health services in your country will, initially at least, use cognitive behaviour therapy but these are really just short term crisis intervention solutions and offer no sustainable long term pathway forward for your addiction.

Gurus and self proclaimed experts in books and on media will try to help in their way with advice about self love and self forgiveness. And although this might be effective for a very small minority, for the vast majority this is almost impossible, as this is a love we have never experienced and know nothing of.

We live in shame. Shame of ourselves and shame of who we have become. Shame of the hurt we caused others.
Eventually everybody will give up on you and you will be on the streets, and nobody will want to know you.

Why me?

Did you deserve this? No of course you didn’t. This is a fate worse than death. This is the prolonged death dance and you are a helpless participant caught between the music and the dance.

How can you get out?

You can get out anytime you wish and you do not need to descend in chains to the depths of hell.

If you follow the program I am suggesting to you then you have a very good chance to live a happy, healthy and contented life. You can rebuild your life and gain back your self-respect. You can break free from all the chains of hate and hurt.
You need to understand.
You need to become aware.
You can be free. You can get your voice back.

It will not be easy but nothing valuable ever is. You can have a life beyond your wildest dreams and live in peace and contentment with yourself. You can reconcile and come to terms with the things you have done in the past that have caused you to hold on to so much shame, guilt, hurt, regrets and darkness. You can look to a brighter, happier future.

I have been in all of these dark places.
I have been in treatment centres.
I have been locked up in mental institutions. I have been homeless.
I have hurt my wife and my children immeasurably. I have hurt my friends.
I have destroyed everything good around me.
I have lost everything. I have hurt myself.
I have been in hell

But I got well. If I got well then you can too.

Paddy Rafter

If you need help with with Anxiety, Depression, Addiciton or are experiencing Coercive Control, Join me Community where I share my Music, Tips, Tools and Experiences.